Sometimes I wonder if I’m making the right decisions or just going about things the way that my generation does it. It’s always nice to know when someone older (more experienced) than you can affirm your decisions and say that they believe that it’s the best decision for you.
If you guys didn’t know, I have a pretty dysfunctional family growing up, and I still do. Their actions and words in the past and present still affect me a lot, in more ways than I wish they would. Having an older figure to speak to and tell me that they’re proud of me, and that they think I’m phenomenal for achieving the things that I’ve managed to do thus far has been hard to come by because my parents never did it. As much as I try to have a high self-esteem, it’s hard sometimes when all my parents do is bring me down, saying all sorts of nasty things that are hurtful and harmful.
I had one of those good affirmation moments today though. I took my coworker from the restaurant out for lunch earlier today because she’s been dealing with a lot of issues, and as a friend taking her out to lunch was the least that I could do to help her ease off the stress. We were talking about everything that’s been going on lately, and it was nice talking to an older person. I feel more calm when thinking about what I’m going to be doing with myself.
I mean it could be the medication that the doctor gave me, but at the same time I don’t think it is. The medication was only to help me not be so compulsive. Moving out to Massachusetts for pharmacy school doesn’t sound that scary anymore. It’ll just be a two year 10 month adventure where the end is yet to be announced. As much as I’m still waiting to hear back from Colorado, I feel that it doesn’t matter anymore. My decision has been made, and if I ever were to choose Colorado after this moment it’d be more because it’s considered a “safe” school since it’s so close to home and all things familiar (my family, my friends, the city, etc).
Personally, I think it’s time for me to branch out and try something completely new. There’s no need to hold back anymore, to hesitate from living my life. Everything that I could possibly want for this very moment I have achieved. I’m doing things. I’m independent. I’m accomplished.
Most importantly, I’m finally able to be who I want to be. Not that person that everyone else wants me to be expects me to be.
It’ll be nerve wracking, but this journey called life will be well worth it in the end.
Signing off ~~~