Tag Archives: unmotivated

An Update

So, I fell off the bandwagon when it came down to keeping myself accountable. After the last post, I just realized how each day was becoming a cheat day, and I was just getting really discouraged and unmotivated to keep track of everything. It wasn’t that I fell off right away, there was a week where I had to go out to buy another tank to work out in because I ran out of tanks to wear to go work out in. My lowest weight at one point was 118.0 or was it 117.6? One of the two, I may have just had that second number in my head for no reason.

But since all that, stress has come and it appears to stay. I’m a stress eater. Not to mention, if I’m in stress mode for long enough, I get into this depressed mode. Depressed eating is even worse than stress eating. Depressed mode is where I eat and I don’t even care that I’m eating.

All in all, I feel pretty crappy as of right now. I’m not sure if I’m bloated or I’m gaining back the weight and everything. All I can say is that I AM NOT A HAPPY CAMPER. I need to go back to clean eating, monitoring what I eat, limiting what I eat. It didn’t help that I just bought another box of those snack packages of Oreos, the ones where there’s 6 cookies in a pouch. OREOS ARE SO GOOD THOUGH!

I need to go back to going out to the gym again, spend time there, but then now a days I’m so tired. Tired enough that I can pass out for 2-3 hours for a nap and then go back to sleep later on. But I also haven’t been sleeping very well, waking up around 6 regardless of what time I went to bed (even if it’s 3:30am) and then waking up every hour since. I realize that I have a lot of things to do, and time is running out! Which makes me not want to go to the gym even more.

But no excuses. I can’t let myself keep making these excuses. I made a promise to myself, I gifted myself better health for my birthday. That is what I need to work towards. I did decide that once I hit 115, I was going to bake a tiramisu cake from scratch to celebrate though? I know it’s counter intuitive, but tiramisu is my absolute favorite cake/dessert there is out there and I can eat it all day if I didn’t have to face all the unpleasant consequences.

In any case, I’ll post my “new” starting weight again, and start this journey all over again, tomorrow morning first thing so I’m more consistent with when I measure my weight. At first you don’t succeed, try and try again right? Eventually I’ll get down to what I want to get to. 

In terms of food, I’m refraining from going to the store unless I need to. It’s going to be a creative adventure that may or may not be clean to just eat all the food that I have laying around in my kitchen. Tonight I made a Thai Curry Soup, and for dessert I made chè xanh (a Vietnamese dessert soup with mung bean and coconut milk).

And I need to start writing out my to do lists again, otherwise things get forgotten or never done. So unfortunately, this is where that bit of information will be jotted down as well. So I apologize in advance.


[Day 20: Logistics]

This whole losing weight thing is actually harder and more discouraging than I initially thought when I started it October 1. I double checked my measurements this morning too, and none of them have changed any. I’ve been working out, I’ve been keeping myself hydrated, I’ve been watching what I eat. I just don’t get how I’m not losing weight, and today is almost the end of week 3, and I don’t feel like I’ve had much progress at all.

But in any case, I feel much better and not so much in that “blergh” mood that I have been in the last 24 hours or so now that I’ve spent a good chunk of time at the gym.

 

[The Numbers]

  • Weight: 122.6 pounds (122.0 pounds after work out)
  • Water Intake: 750 mL post-workout, 750 mL by 7:00pm, 750 mL by 10:00 pm
  • Workout Time: 60 minute on the elliptical (549 calories) with a stride/min between 172-182 (averaging around 178), plus another unaccounted for 6 minutes because I wanted to watch the rest of the Fringe episode I was watching, 30 minutes weight training – I can do more consistent reps now (3 sets of 10-12 depending on the machine), and use a little bit more weight than initial starting by 5-10 pounds

[The Meal Plan]

  • Breakfast: skipped – I didn’t get out of bed until noon
  • Lunch: foil packet chicken – contained half a chicken breast (they were really big so I had to cut it in half), half a zucchini, handful of roma tomatoes, and a third of a pint of baby bella mushrooms
  • Snack: 1 cup of pomegranate seeds, 1 tablespoon peanut butter
  • Dinner: gỏi gà – Spicy Cabbage and Chicken Salad with a mixed fish sauce dressing

[Day 19: Standstill]

I have no motivation to go to the gym today. I’m just tired and I want to go to sleep all day. Oye. Managed to sort of work out, got my heart rate up for a little bit before I just didn’t want to work out anymore. I find it funny that I’m more into working out when I’m at the gym than when I’m at home following fitness DVDs or YouTube videos. What counts is that I did something at least right?

I feel that I’m always so friggin’ lazy when I have days off at home. I think a new goal for myself is to get out of bed and stay out of bed until it’s bedtime. But it’s so comfortable to lay around bed all day when I can. Sleep sounds amazing right now, despite the fact that it’s only 7:18pm.

I’m also really bad at estimating how many calories I’ve consumed, and given today’s lunch was an all you can eat buffet, and I ate two plates where I had a small spoon of delicious Indian food, of everything there (they only had one bar set up). I really can’t tell how much I ate in terms of calories, but I figured I’ll just initiate intermittent fasting this way and not eat again until tomorrow around 12. So I guess 24 hour fasting period is the way to go. Maybe.

[The Numbers]

  • Weight: 122.0
  • Water Intake: 300 mL at the restaurant, 750 mL at by 7:30pm, 750 mL by 9pm, 750 mL by 11 pm
  • Workout Time: 30 minutes of Cardio Hip Hop, and like 4 minute of this YouTube abs workout routine

[The Meal Plan]

  • Breakfast: skipped – i was tired and slept up until lunch time
  • Lunch: two plates of an all you can eat Indian buffet – had a little bit of everything since it was my first time eating indian food
  • Snack: 1 granny smith apple

[Day 16: It’s Too Early]

I’m actually really tired today, and I’m not entirely sure why. Just sitting here in my little cubicle at the clinic makes my eyes want to shut, and my mind wants to wander away. I need to get into the habit of sleeping more, I know it’s a bad habit that’s been nearly impossible to break. The best streak I’ve ever had was on my first rotation where I was going to bed by 10pm, but at the same time I was waking up at 4:30am then to leave the house by 5:30am to get to the hospital.

I don’t even know why I stay up so late sometimes. It’s not like I’m doing anything important, I’m just browsing the internet and mindlessly playing some web game (i.e., Candy Crush – level 415 why are you challenging me so much?!). I tried to go to bed early last time, I was ready with the lights out and everything by 1am, I didn’t fall asleep until 2am because I was busy using up the 8 candy crush lives that I had. It’s always been something, it was really bad when I was playing Sudoku before I’d go to bed. It’d be “no! I must beat my best time for X amount of games before I can go to sleep!”

I’m pretty sure the sleep deprivation state that I’ve grown accustomed to since its development over a decade ago during the early high school days, isn’t doing so great for my body, metabolism, or even my mind. Every year, going to bed earlier is a resolution that I try to attain, but fail within the first couple of days because again, I don’t know why I’m up so late!

I actually wanted to do a quick workout of sorts in the mornings. Something like blogilates (some video that last 10-20 minutes) or the 8-minute abs workout. But, because its always a struggle to get out of bed I never have the time to do anything other than shower, get dressed, put my make-up on, and make breakfast, well at least most of the time for that last one.

[The Numbers]

  • Weight: 122.4 pounds
  • Water Intake: 750 mL by 8am, 16 oz (473 mL) of hojicha green tea by 11am, 16 oz (473 mL) of hojicha green tea by 2pm, 750 mL during/post workout, 750 mL by 11pm = 3196 mL
  • Workout Time: 30 minutes treadmill, 30 minutes elliptical

[The Meal Plan]

  • Breakfast: one 100 calorie English muffin with peanut butter and honey
  • Lunch: Chobani Passionfruit Greek Yogurt (160 calories)
  • Dinner: Other breast of the rotisserie chicken, and the rest of the fried rice from Monday’s vegan restaurant
  • Snack: 1 granny smith apple with fat-free french vanilla yogurt fruit dip